Tuesday, March 22, 2011

21 Weeks

"The Lord will either calm your storm or allow it to rage while He calms you."

We were so optimistic about our sweet baby last week. I had what I thought was a good ultrasound. We were able to get pictures of Brayden's sweet little face. We were also able to see him suck his thumb. So precious. Our Dr. was on vacation last week, so after the full analysis ultrasound we were sent home with lots of pictures and hope. In the back of my mind I knew that this week's appointment would probably not leave me feeling as hopeful; I was right.
Yesterday, we went in for our weekly check up. Brayden's heart rate was 146, which in normal. After the ultrasound, we met with our Dr. to go over his findings from last week's analysis. We were told lots of devastating news yesterday. I'm still not sure how to take it all in. This is what the full analysis showed:
He told us that Brayden has a condition where the fluid in his spinal cord is not draining. He also has fluid in his bowels that shouldn't be there, fluid on his brain, and excessive fluid in his kidneys that have caused them to swell. Last, he told us that Brayden has one large ventricle in his heart and only a partial ventricle on the other side. I just sat there, taking it all in. Nodding when I was supposed to all the while getting more and more angry.
I am angry that I have to be given signs and symptoms of preterm labor as something that is going to happen. I am mad when people all around me have "normal" pregnancies and I don't. On my way home yesterday I had the overwhelming urge to scream at the top of my lungs and ask God why this is happening. I'm thankful that I have a God that can handle those sorts of times. God began to whisper to me that he knows what sorrow feels like. God watched his son, Jesus die on the cross for us. God knows what it feels like to grieve and I know He is grieving along side with me.
Brayden needs your prayers. We are thankful for all the support we have been given over the last few months. I know that it is only by your prayers and God's grace that I have been able to function lately. Thank you and I am so thankful for our Brayden.


  1. Oh, Deana... I have no words. I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you, Marcus, and Brayden. Love you!

  2. You are in my prayers everyday. Please know that I am a call a way when you are ready