Tuesday, July 5, 2011

4th of July

I went to Brayden's grave for the first time. It was harder than I thought it would be. We told Bryce we were going to see baby Brayden, which was a huge mistake. When we got there he was looking all over for him and then cried when we left because he wanted to "see baby Brayden." I'm going to have to be more careful how I word things. I can tell that Bryce is trying to comprehend everything. To be honest, I'm still working on that too. I'm at a loss for how to make him understand...I just keep praying for the right words to say.
Later, we were on our way home from my parent's house and we could see fireworks everywhere we looked...it was beautiful! It made me think about what Brayden was seeing at that moment. I smiled thinking that nothing could compare to what he was seeing. Then I started thinking about what the word freedom now means for Brayden. Brayden is free from the heartache this world brings. Brayden will never know disappointment, pain, or sickness. I'm thankful for that thought because it gets me through to another day. I told Marcus that I don't foresee a time that I will never hurt as bad as I do now. I miss Brayden so much.