Tuesday, July 5, 2011

4th of July

I went to Brayden's grave for the first time. It was harder than I thought it would be. We told Bryce we were going to see baby Brayden, which was a huge mistake. When we got there he was looking all over for him and then cried when we left because he wanted to "see baby Brayden." I'm going to have to be more careful how I word things. I can tell that Bryce is trying to comprehend everything. To be honest, I'm still working on that too. I'm at a loss for how to make him understand...I just keep praying for the right words to say.
Later, we were on our way home from my parent's house and we could see fireworks everywhere we looked...it was beautiful! It made me think about what Brayden was seeing at that moment. I smiled thinking that nothing could compare to what he was seeing. Then I started thinking about what the word freedom now means for Brayden. Brayden is free from the heartache this world brings. Brayden will never know disappointment, pain, or sickness. I'm thankful for that thought because it gets me through to another day. I told Marcus that I don't foresee a time that I will never hurt as bad as I do now. I miss Brayden so much.


  1. I can't read your blog without crying, but that is okay. I love seeing the beautiful picture of Brayden. What an incredible creation of God! And yes, he is totally free forever, something we can only dream of.

    I think that explaining things to Bryce, while difficult, will help you gain a clearer perspective yourself. When our Kali died, our other daughter Morgan was 4. Answering her questions and helping her understand the loss helped me simplify and make more sense of it in my life too.

    I pray for you often. I know God will heal your heart, keeping Brayden in the middle of it. What a tender example of a mother's love you are showing the world. One minute at a time...

  2. I just happened on your blog because a friend of mine's daughter was diagnosed with T13 and is not expected to live past her delivery in 1 month. My husband and I also lost our son Josiah on March 18 of this year and it still feels like it was yesterday. Brayden is beautiful, just wonderfully beautiful. I hate this pain and wish it didn't exist. I am so sorry and I am praying for comfort somehow. With Love,